Relationships can get complicated at times. When you’ve been in a relationship with someone for a while, you begin to value that relationship. Even if you feel you should end it, you are in doubts because there is always another way out. You think it’s a temporary crisis, and you just need to go through it. There is a good technique to check whether your partner really matters to you. Picture your future without them. If you feel miserable picturing it, then this person is important to you, so is your relationship. Many people in such a situation decide to imitate that “without-you” perspective by putting their relationship on hold to see where it will go.
A pause can either end up in a breakup or a shift to a new level of your relationship. Everything depends on the conditions you set for the pause. Here are some basic rules that will help you have an effective pause and finally make up your mind.
- Clarify for yourself why you need this time-out
Do a bit of soul-searching to figure out what it is you want to take a rest from. You think your relationship lacks passion? You’re on the verge of some important step in your life – a new job or a move – and want to understand whether your partner is the right life companion. It’s important to realize how solvable your issue is. If you expect completely different things from life, it’s better to part ways. Don’t take a break just to postpone a breakup and spare your partner’s feelings. Do it to sort out your own feelings.
- Discuss the pause face to face
It’s a very serious matter, and serious matters are not discussed through text. You should meet and tell your partner about your decision. Your body language and mimics will help you express the state of doubts and confusion, and your partner’s non-verbal signals will give you a clue of their attitude. It’s important to get each other right.
- Talk over the conditions
Be sincere and extremely clear. Explain why you need this pause. Agree on your further communication – whether you’ll stay in touch or totally isolate from each other. And the most important thing – whether you’re going to date other people or stay exclusive for the period. If you currently live together, discuss how you’re going to manage the household or who will take care of your pet.
- Don’t set the time limit
You don’t know how much time you will need to sort your thoughts out and which difficulties face, so you can’t set some deadlines. Time limits will only cause frustration. Your partner will want to hear your decision when the time runs out. And if you can’t give an answer by the agreed time, there will be reproaches and pressure. You will feel guilty for your indecisiveness. One thing you should agree upon is that if one of you comes to a certain decision or has a change of heart, one should let the other know. You’ll tell your partner everything once you make a decision; your partner will let you know once they are not ready to wait anymore.
- Use the break to learn what you really want
Do everything you wanted to do but didn’t have time being in a relationship. Spend more time with your friends and family, find a new hobby. Just enjoy being on your own, as this is not always possible when you’re in a relationship. There is a big difference between feeling comfortable without a particular person and feeling comfortable alone (without a partner). A temporary break in a relationship is a good time to realize this difference. Ask yourself whether the fear of being alone has anything to do with your being in this very relationship.
If you feel happier when you’re separated, then it’s a sign you should break up and go meet Russian brides.